‘I feel badly for Mike Pence . . .’
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Authorities on alert for ‘professional’ credited with burning presidential campaigns to the ground
S A T I R E Federal authorities have begun a massive manhunt for an arsonist who on Friday completely torched three presidential campaigns. “He left nothing but ashes,” said Chief of Police Ron Miller. “All three campaigns were burned to the ground in a matter of hours. We’re dealing with a professional.” Related: GOP […]
Liberals’ nightmare: What if your son wanted to become a Navy SEAL?
S A T I R E Why trade mediocrity for American exceptionalism and a road less traveled?
Now that Pride Month is over, major corporations dial back from ‘ultra gay’ to ‘regular gay’
S A T I R E With Pride Month coming to a close, corporations are making preparations to return to their usual amount of gayness. “We’ll still be gay, but just baseline gay,” said Walgreens CEO Rosalind Brewer. “The volume will be turned down from eleven, but don’t be misled. We will still be awfully […]
Pizza collusion: Donald J Trump hit with yet another New York indictment
S A T I R E Former President Donald Trump continues to find himself on the receiving end of serious legal charges after being indicted in New York for eating pizza cooked in a wood-burning oven. “He must face justice for this heinous act,” said New York City Mayor Eric Adams. “Everyone knows wood-burning pizza […]
7 easy ways to pull off a massive international bribery scheme with total, absolute impunity
Not S A T I R E Maintaining an international bribery operation is hard work. Keeping the money flowing in without getting busted by the authorities can be tricky. Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of helpful tips to get away with your foreign bribery scheme scott-free. Use your kindergarten-level painting skills […]
Regime journalism 101: Focus, focus, focus
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American dream: Restaurant owner retires to spend less time with his family
S A T I R E Babylon Bee: The owner of a local Chinese restaurant announced his retirement today, expressing his desire to step away from the daily grind and take the opportunity to spend far less time with his family. Li Jun Chao, the founder of Yum Yum Good Taste Chinese Restaurant, has run […]
New Biden mandate: Gay pray 5 times a day, facing San Francisco
S A T I R E In yet another step to establish gay stuff as the official state-sponsored religion in the United States, President Joe Biden has signed an executive order instituting the call to gay prayer, ordering it to take place five times every day, with everyone facing toward San Francisco. “The gay prayer […]
Media awed by pResident’s new clothes
S A T I R E In an address to the nation, El Presidente Biden showed off his cool new uniform covered with flashy medals and assured the nation that the U.S. is not a banana republic. “Listen, folks, this is ridiculous,” said El Presidente as machine gun fire went off in the background. “Just […]