S A T I R E
[While the news stateside is obsessed with a crackdown on crime in the nation’s capital, let’s not forget the other side of the pond.]Authorities warned British citizens of widespread reports of a dangerous man loose on the streets, threatening to share an opinion.
According to an official bulletin, the recently released Graham Linehan represented an urgent threat to public order, as he had not only come up with an idea not conforming to politically acceptable ideology all on his own, but also threatened to spread this idea by engaging others in reasonable civil discourse.
“The suspect is about medium height, brown-haired, and radically free-thinking,” the official police bulletin read. “Linehan, who we believe may be armed with a bullhorn or possibly wearing an offensive sandwich board, will be dangerous if approached, as he has already threatened multiple times to share his opinions with others without obtaining prior permission from the British Directory of Public Thought. ….
“He’s a shifty little blighter, all right, but we’ll cook his chops for him in a jiffy,” said Lieutenant Briggs, who works with the Scotland Yard. “I say, awful lot of cheek that one has, if he has his own opinions, wot? Silly little goose. We’ll teach him to be an independent thinker — just chuck the bloomin’ chappie in the klink, that’s what I say.” ….
Authorities in the UK are cracking down on just about everything these days so the Babylon Bee [in a helpful travel advisory] has come up with the following list of things that can get you arrested in the UK:
- Fighting off Muslim migrants who want to mess with your 12-year-old sister: How dare you?
- Praying outside an abortion clinic: The penalty doubles if you’re not praying to Allah.
- Seasoning your food: Flavorful meals are strictly prohibited.
Don’t even think about committing a crime in the UK added by Editor One on
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