S A T I R E
November 2, 2026
[Not satire: The Vatican on Oct. 30, 2026, confirmed that Pope Leo has submitted his mail ballot, making him the first pontiff in history to vote in a U.S. election.
“Pope Leo XIV has exercised his right to vote as a United States citizen, whenever he was eligible to do so. The Holy See Press Office confirms that in keeping with this long-standing practice of civic participation, he has submitted his mail-in ballot in Chicago,” the Vatican said in a statement.]
Blue smoke rose from the roof of the Sistine Chapel on Friday, signaling that Pope Leo XIV had voted for a third term for Illinois Governor JB Pritzker.
Loud cheers rung out from St. Peter’s Square as the faithful watched blue smoke rise into the sky. Cardinal Dominque appeared on the central balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica and announced, “Habemus Suffragium!” (We have a vote!)
Cries of “Viva il voto del Papa!” (Long live the vote of the pope!) could be heard throughout the square.
[Experts on eternal spiritual matters, who said they were not authorized by Heaven to speak on the record, suggested the blue smoke clearly signals frustration with the orange man in the White House. Almighty God could not be reached for comment.]
Divine election interference? Pope’s ballot is in the mail added by Editor One on
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